spilt milk...

So...I have to admit that I cried over spilt milk this morning.  I literally cried out over spilt milk.  I had the two youngest children settled at the breakfast table and was just going to get my shower when I heard..."oh no!"  I looked over at the table and Carter had spilled his entire bowl of cereal.  It was on the table, the floor AND my child.  As I looked at the milky white waterfall cascading from the table and the lake of sodden Cheerios, I lost it.  I sent the soaked child up to his room to change clothes and then started to clean up the sticky, milky mess...grumbling and mumbling all the way.  It wasn't pretty and I am not proud of myself.  I cannot stand cleaning up spilled milk.  It seems to seep into every crack and crevice.  And no matter how well you clean it up, a spot or two invariably gets missed and then it gets sour.  Ugh!  I come by this honestly.  My mother has the same aversion.

So...why am I confessing this to you?

To let you know that you are not alone.  Maybe it's not over spilt milk, but we all have those moments where we lose it with our kids and act in ways we wish we hadn't.  Motherhood is hard and these moments happen...we are human...but they don't have to define us.  GRACE goes a long way in building up a strong family...grace toward our kids and toward ourselves.

I did apologize to Carter for fussing so much about the milk.  He, of course, had a big smile and a "that's okay Mommy" for me.  I sure do love that kid...spilt milk and all!!

¹⁵ For we do not have a high priest who is unable to empathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet he did not sin. ¹⁶ Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.
Hebrews 4:15-16
New International Version (NIV)

daring to Be...

I knew it would come...it happens every time...that moment of utter despair that everything in your life has changed and you wonder if it will ever feel like home.  I had almost believed that I wouldn't have to go through it this time, but I think deep down I knew better.  It always comes in that moment when I am completely alone and realize I don't know what to do with myself, because I don't have a normal.  Then, the tears come and I long for places and people of familiarity.

So...it happened tonight.  And, as painful as it felt, I had an epiphany.  This meant the process had begun.  I am grieving the last remnants of my past life to make room for the new one.

God has been busy this past year, doing a remodeling job on me, to prepare me for such a time as this. So I will grieve when I need to over the life I've left behind, because I know the One I sacrificed it for is so worth it!!

"I'm waving goodbye to my pretty little life
Taking your hand and crossing that line
Daring to leave the old me
Shout it out loud, I'm not ashamed
Diving in now, and so not afraid
Hello to all that You see
And everything You made me
I'm daring to be!"

*Taken from the song "Daring to Be" by Natalie Grant

a day with the Royals...

My fascination with the royal family began in February of 1981, when I first heard about a lady named Diana and a prince named Charles.  My eight year old mind was whirring with all of the thoughts of the upcoming royal wedding.  So, when the big day arrived, it was no surprise that I was up at 4:30 am to watch the glorious event unfold.  I sat all by myself, while my family slept, and watched what I thought was a fairytale come true.  It was more than my child's heart could have hoped for or imagined.  

Well ... we all know how that story ended ... more like a nightmare than the fantastical daydreams of our youth.   Yet, in November 2010, an announcement was made that caused a huge media frenzy... the engagement of Prince William to Catherine Middleton.  My attention was once again caught and I have been anticipating the coming nuptials, as much as any British subject.

There was much pomp and circumstance happening in our house to prepare for such an important day.  First, I made sure that I had my DVR properly set up to record the royal nuptials.  Technology has advanced quite a bit in the last 30 years and so I did not have to get up before the sun to watch this wedding.

Secondly, I made a recipe of scones to nosh.  Royal weddings can get very long and you must have the proper nourishment to maintain your stamina.  Who am I kidding?  I just wanted something yummy and British.  This was my first attempt at making scones and they turned out quite delicious.  Click here to link to my food blog, Vertiginous Chef, if you would like the recipe.

Thirdly, I dressed in my absolute finest for the big event.  Ahem ... do pajamas count?  Well, I wanted to dress in my finest.  I was definitely inspired (convicted), while watching all of female guests arrive, to do something about the sad state of my wardrobe.  Genevieve, however, was in high style and would have fit in quite well with Princesses Beatrice and Eugenie.

It has been a fun day ... full of romance and royalty, beautiful clothing and pageantry, soul stirring music and vows of love.  As I tucked Genevieve in bed tonight, we talked a little more about the day's events.  I took a moment to tell her that the Prince and Princess had to work really hard now to keep their marriage strong ... that marriage was fun, but it was also work.  She looked at me and said, "I don't want to get married.  I want to stay a little kid and make [Easter] eggs."

My 3 favorite things about the wedding:

#3 The choir

#2 The kiss!  The kisses!!

#1 Rt. Rev. Richard Chartes Bishop of London's homily (which I've included, just in case you missed it)  
I was a bit saddened today to see a lot of negative comments posted by friends on my favorite social network about the wedding.  There was a lot of comments about their choice of vows, about the pomp and ceremony, and about how much "to-do" was being made over the whole event.  But that is the point of it all, isn't it?  Every woman wants to feel like a princess, especially on her wedding day.

"The bride, a princess, looks glorious in her golden gown." Psalm 45:13

How wonderful that an institution that is ordained by God and steeped in the mystic of the trinity was lifted to a place of honor today.  What a wonderful example for the world.  Their story seems to be one sewn together out of mutual respect and affection and I truly wish them the best as they continue their life together.

keep Going...

Blessings abound...even in the midst of troubled times.  I have found this to be true so many times during the last few months.  I am at peace with our current situation.  Granted, that doesn't mean I like it, but I am at peace.  I don't find myself questioning why it happened.  What good is that really?  It's not going to change anything and finding out the human WHY might make me spend too much time with one of the enemy's greatest weapons:  WHAT IF.  It all boils down to this:  God is in control...and I'm not.  Even in my weakest moments of distress and deep longing to be settled somewhere (really, I'm not picky at this point), I look around and see blessing after blessing after blessing.  God's abundant provision is EVERYWHERE.

One of these greatest blessings is my children.  They keep me going whether I want to or not.  They are little comedians that live among us and provide much needed comedic relief.  Here are a few of their latest antics:

Genevieve:  "Mommy, I'm so sweaty.  I'm hotter than a girl in church." (point of reference: "The Princess & the Frog")

Carter:  "I've got to do my exercises and work off all of that playing outside."

Dawson:  "Be careful...that is scalljing hot!"

There are so many more!  These moments are always provided at just the right time to lighten the mood and lift our spirits.

"Our mouths were filled with laughter...The Lord has done great things for us, and we are filled with joy." Psalm 126:2a,3

Mainstay Farm...

I love the fall and all that goes with it...the cooler weather, the changing leaves, the colors, the smells, the food...you get the picture.  Nothing says fall, to me, more than a pumpkin patch.  Being new to the area, I began looking for a local farm.  I was disappointed to find that the only pumpkin patch in our town was located in a parking lot.  This was not exactly what I had in mind.  So, I put my detective skills to use and went to my favorite website:  www.pumpkinpatchesandmore.org.  This is a great resource for finding pumpkin patches, corn mazes, hayrides and fall festivals in your local area.  (They also have links for pick-your-own fruit & vegetable farms, as well as Christmas tree farms.)

After taking a quick geography lesson of the Big Country, I found the perfect family farm just south of Ft. Worth.  Mainstay Farm has been owned by Jim and Marianna Wilson since 1989.  The farm got it's name because the Wilson's look to God as their "mainstay" and desire to share His love and abundance with everyone that visits.  They have hay rides, a 3-story tree house, jumping pillow, mazes, playground, a hay-play and jump barn, 100 ft. super chute slide, pedal kart race track, face painting, a gift shop and PUMPKINS.  We packed a picnic lunch and played all day.  The kids each got to pick out their own baby pumpkin and we brought home an orange beauty for the big day a few weeks later.  It was lots of fun and definitely a place we would like to visit again.

**Double click to watch in full-screen.

rootin' tootin' Fun...

In early October, our family got to visit the Texas State Fair.  It was like a lot of other fairs that I have been too... there were rides, vendors, food, shows, new innovations, and livestock.  The main difference with this fair...it was TEXAS sized.  This had to be the biggest State Fair that I have ever seen.  I felt, as I walked it, that it went on for miles.  Most every fair I have ever been too could have fit into a small corner of this one, with room to spare.  The only downside to going to a fair is the cost.  Everything is run on tickets.  And try as we might, we spent more money than we intended too.

A very dear friend of ours, Phillip (or as I have affectionately nicknamed him, Phird) was vacationing in Dallas from Florida.  So, we made plans to meet him there.  This proved more challenging than any of us knew, due to the high volume of traffic and the sheer number of entrance gates into the fair.  But, all finally came together and we were united with Phil and the fun began!!

The kids started our adventure by riding some racing cars that were FREE!  We had no idea what a big deal this would turn out to be...

The kids each got enough tickets to ride 2 rides a piece.  There was much debate over what they would choose.  But Genevieve and Dawson both knew what one of their choices would be...the center piece of the fair...the Ferris Wheel.

I was a bit nervous about them riding such a HUGE ride, but they were excited and this picture says it all...they had the time of their life.  Carter chose to stay planted firmly on the ground and I made the "sacrifice" to stay with him.

Mr. Phil treated the boys to a ride on the haunted house.

The pinnacle of the fair for me was the Pee-Wee Stampede.  A rodeo made up entirely of kids.  Carter was the only one who "qualified" to participate, because of the age limits, and I thought that he would be too shy to join in.  But, he stepped right up, got a number pinned on his back and donned a pair of chaps and a cowboy hat.  He looked so cute!!

They had several events that the kids participated in:  bronco riding, steer roping, barrel racing, and bull riding.  Carter was part of the bull riding group and the last to have a turn.  They gave him a "stick bull" and put him in the holding pen.  When it was his turn, they opened the gate and I could hardly believe my eyes!  My shy little boy melted away and he rode that pretend bull like it was the real deal.  I've never seen anything like it!!  It's one of those moments, as a Mother, where you say, "Where did that come from?!"  He did an amazing job and won the event trophy, to boot!!

Here is a video of the grand and glorious event.  You will have to excuse the woman screaming in the video...that would be a mother who was overcome with awe and wonder for her tiny cowboy.

We ended our day by visiting with the firemen who were outside our exiting fair gate.  They kept the boys busy, while I tried to help David find me, after he came back from taking Phil to the airport.

It was a hot day and a more costly excursion than we anticipated...but it was full of smiles, friendship, new adventures, and surprises.  It was a great day at the Texas State Fair!

waiting in the Noise...

I have 3 kids, so things can be noisy sometimes.  Let me rephrase that, I have 3 kids, so things are noisy most of the time. There are times when David and I both forget this fact...like when we get on the phone, or get in the van, or sit on a church pew, etc.  This can be challenging at best and frustrating at worst, but none more so than when we are trying to have a conversation.  There are at least 10 or so interruptions for super important requests like: juice, snacks, gum, snacks, have you seen my ____, snacks...you get the picture.  Then there are the wars that break out and the peace treaties that must be negotiated and enforced 3 times before everyone is settled.  And my all time favorite is where a child walks in between both of us and just starts talking, as if he/she is completely clueless that we were speaking to one another.  Needless to say, we have learned to hold most important conversations until the children are in bed or watching a movie.

I say all of this not to complain, although it does feel good to vent from time to time, but to make an analogy.  This is what my conversations with God have felt like lately.  I feel like I am talking to Him over immense noise and I can't quite make out what He is saying.  David and I have both been praying for clarity on the new direction that God wants for our life.  We have prayed for doors to be open and doors to be closed.  We have definitely gotten some closed doors.  So much so, that we are sadly feeling like staying in Abilene might not be a possibility anymore.  But, then there is this one door.  An unexpected door.  A door to a place that we didn't contemplate, nor would we have even thought of...but a place that our paths have crossed before.  And it oddly appears open or at least God has decided not to shut it yet.  David and I have an unexplained pull toward this door.  A lot of things in our life seem to line up for "such a time as this".  So, how much of this is Him and how much of this is us just putting our own reasoning and desire on the situation?  And that is where I hear the noise...

I know that the noise will eventually fade and the answer will come.  Maybe that is what I am afraid of...what if it is not the answer that I am longing to hear?  What if it is?  Until then, I will wait...

²⁸ Do you not know? 

   Have you not heard? 

The LORD is the everlasting God, 

   the Creator of the ends of the earth. 

He will not grow tired or weary, 

   and his understanding no one can fathom. 

²⁹ He gives strength to the weary 

   and increases the power of the weak. 

³⁰ Even youths grow tired and weary, 

   and young men stumble and fall; 

³¹ but those who hope in the LORD 

   will renew their strength. 

They will soar on wings like eagles; 

   they will run and not grow weary, 

   they will walk and not be faint. 

Isaiah 40:28-31