daring to Be...

I knew it would come...it happens every time...that moment of utter despair that everything in your life has changed and you wonder if it will ever feel like home.  I had almost believed that I wouldn't have to go through it this time, but I think deep down I knew better.  It always comes in that moment when I am completely alone and realize I don't know what to do with myself, because I don't have a normal.  Then, the tears come and I long for places and people of familiarity.

So...it happened tonight.  And, as painful as it felt, I had an epiphany.  This meant the process had begun.  I am grieving the last remnants of my past life to make room for the new one.

God has been busy this past year, doing a remodeling job on me, to prepare me for such a time as this. So I will grieve when I need to over the life I've left behind, because I know the One I sacrificed it for is so worth it!!

"I'm waving goodbye to my pretty little life
Taking your hand and crossing that line
Daring to leave the old me
Shout it out loud, I'm not ashamed
Diving in now, and so not afraid
Hello to all that You see
And everything You made me
I'm daring to be!"

*Taken from the song "Daring to Be" by Natalie Grant

a day with the Royals...

My fascination with the royal family began in February of 1981, when I first heard about a lady named Diana and a prince named Charles.  My eight year old mind was whirring with all of the thoughts of the upcoming royal wedding.  So, when the big day arrived, it was no surprise that I was up at 4:30 am to watch the glorious event unfold.  I sat all by myself, while my family slept, and watched what I thought was a fairytale come true.  It was more than my child's heart could have hoped for or imagined.  

Well ... we all know how that story ended ... more like a nightmare than the fantastical daydreams of our youth.   Yet, in November 2010, an announcement was made that caused a huge media frenzy... the engagement of Prince William to Catherine Middleton.  My attention was once again caught and I have been anticipating the coming nuptials, as much as any British subject.

There was much pomp and circumstance happening in our house to prepare for such an important day.  First, I made sure that I had my DVR properly set up to record the royal nuptials.  Technology has advanced quite a bit in the last 30 years and so I did not have to get up before the sun to watch this wedding.

Secondly, I made a recipe of scones to nosh.  Royal weddings can get very long and you must have the proper nourishment to maintain your stamina.  Who am I kidding?  I just wanted something yummy and British.  This was my first attempt at making scones and they turned out quite delicious.  Click here to link to my food blog, Vertiginous Chef, if you would like the recipe.

Thirdly, I dressed in my absolute finest for the big event.  Ahem ... do pajamas count?  Well, I wanted to dress in my finest.  I was definitely inspired (convicted), while watching all of female guests arrive, to do something about the sad state of my wardrobe.  Genevieve, however, was in high style and would have fit in quite well with Princesses Beatrice and Eugenie.

It has been a fun day ... full of romance and royalty, beautiful clothing and pageantry, soul stirring music and vows of love.  As I tucked Genevieve in bed tonight, we talked a little more about the day's events.  I took a moment to tell her that the Prince and Princess had to work really hard now to keep their marriage strong ... that marriage was fun, but it was also work.  She looked at me and said, "I don't want to get married.  I want to stay a little kid and make [Easter] eggs."

My 3 favorite things about the wedding:

#3 The choir

#2 The kiss!  The kisses!!

#1 Rt. Rev. Richard Chartes Bishop of London's homily (which I've included, just in case you missed it)  
I was a bit saddened today to see a lot of negative comments posted by friends on my favorite social network about the wedding.  There was a lot of comments about their choice of vows, about the pomp and ceremony, and about how much "to-do" was being made over the whole event.  But that is the point of it all, isn't it?  Every woman wants to feel like a princess, especially on her wedding day.

"The bride, a princess, looks glorious in her golden gown." Psalm 45:13

How wonderful that an institution that is ordained by God and steeped in the mystic of the trinity was lifted to a place of honor today.  What a wonderful example for the world.  Their story seems to be one sewn together out of mutual respect and affection and I truly wish them the best as they continue their life together.

Silent No More...

It has been way too long since my last post, but with the events of the last 3 months I guess that is to be expected.  I know some of you have been waiting for this post...and in some ways, so have I.  But, I think it may be different than anyone, including myself, expected.

To say that the last 3 months have been a journey would be an understatement!  But you know...I wouldn't trade them for anything in this world, because that journey has brought me closer to the One who really matters.  So, this is probably where you are expecting me to talk about the specific catalyst that brought all of this on...that earth-shattering event that changed my life.  And, a few months ago, I thought that this post would be all about that; but, this is where I am taking you and myself to that unexpected place.  If you know me at all, you probably already know what has taken place in my life and if not...feel free to ask...I'm not ashamed or trying to hide the facts.  I have just learned so many things through this experience and that is what I want to share with you. 

1. "God is sweet like that!"  My friend Laurie coined that phrase and I have learned that to be true!  God cares about me...and we're not talking about just the BIG things in life, but even down to the smallest detail.  Not 5 minutes after David came home with our "news", my friend Karen called me.  She said, "I just felt like I needed to call you."  Every time I have been anxious, He has done something THAT day to lift my spirit and calm my fear.  God is so mighty and yet He so tenderly and sweetly cares for His children.

"Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you." I Peter 5:7

"How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God!" I John 3:1

2. He's got it!  I have to admit...I have been slightly deluded.  Get this...I actually thought I was in charge of my life.  Oh, I "knew" about the concept of God being in control, but...you know...I'm here...He's there..."really God, I've got this."  Boy, did He have my number!  Beth Moore tells the story about her beloved pointer dog that would go into full point every time he saw a squirrel, while she and her husband, Keith, were out for a walk.  Keith would have to pick the rather large dog up, turn him 180 degrees and then they could continue.  I feel like that is what God has done in my life.  I was fully pointed one direction and God has picked  me up and completely turned me around.  He used a very unconventional method, but make no mistake...it was God that was behind it all!

"The lot is cast into the lap, but its every decision is from the Lord." Proverbs 16:33

"Lord, you have assigned me my portion and my cup; you have made my lot secure." Psalm 16: 5

3. There is One greater!  The very foundation of my life has been shaken to it's core in the last few months and yet I am still standing.  But I am here to tell you that it is NOT because of me.  There is One that is greater than me...greater than anything that this world can throw at us.  We are not alone!  "Every time you're in a tight fist of fear, remember you're in something much tighter." (Beth Moore) Isaiah 49:16 says, "See, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands."  God is holding us so tightly that we leave a mark on His hands!!  That doesn't mean that my situation stops being scary...there are times I still fall to my face in tears begging for resolution...but that means that there is One that cares and loves me and has the power to see me through.

"Be strong.  Take courage.  Don't be intimidated.  Don't give them a second thought because God, your God, is striding ahead of you.  He's right there with you.  He won't let you down; He won't leave you." Deuteronomy 31:6

So, there you go...everything I learned in 3 tidy points.  I am a minister's wife, after all.  All joking aside, there are too many things to list that I have learned and experienced...that would take another blog and an entire lifetime to complete.  Plus, if I know anything about God, this is just the tip of the iceberg.  I'm going to be pulling life lessons out of this experience for awhile.  Here is what I know for certain...I am here "for such a time as this" and I am ready to reach out and touch the golden scepter of my King and accept the destiny that He has in store for me.  "And if I perish, I perish." (Esther 4:16)

nostalgic Subs...

The kids and I recreated their favorite Firehouse Subs sandwich for lunch today.  We were doing that because it is a place that we really love to eat; but, sadly, Abilene does not have one.  This made us nostalgic for Florida and spawned an interesting conversation. 


I asked them:  "What is the one thing you miss most about Florida?"
Dawson:  "beautiful water when we go to church"
Carter:  "our house...my friends...everything"
Genevieve:  "Grandmommy"


Then I asked them:  "What is the one thing that you like most about Texas?"
Dawson:  "really nice people"
Carter:  "that we almost have everything unpacked"
Genevieve:  "our house"


There are things, places and people who leave an imprint on our lives everywhere we go.  That is what makes up the unique quilt of our existence.  It is interesting to watch the children as their lives are sewn together...noting who and what is making a difference.

blog response...

A friend of mine recently wrote a great blog article about a very difficult topic...homosexuality.  This article was written in response to the news that Christian music artist Jennifer Knapp publicly announced that she is a practicing homosexual.  The article was interesting and insightful (and I am looking forward to future installments), but the thing that got my attention was the comments.  As I read them, I was privy to many different thoughts and perspectives.  I felt myself "bowing up" inside and feeling the need to stand on a soapbox.  It was in that moment I tried to figure out why I was getting upset.  What I really was feeling was sadness.  I decided to post my response comment on Momblings, because I don't ever want to forget what I was feeling in that moment and to remind myself that God is God...His ways and precepts never fail, no matter the discussions or actions of ourselves or others.

"I think that all of us have an area in our life where we struggle to give into the desires of our flesh and turn our back on the heart and nature of God. We all do that on a daily basis. It is our human struggle and our spiritual fight. If we are to be like God "with ever increasing glory", what do we do with all of this humanity? It calls for "working out our salvation with fear and trembling." It is a very personal process. It is so hard not to judge others and it is very hard not to "rank" sin. We must continue to encourage one another to keep God and His love our focus. He meets us where we are...and he expects us to meet each other at the same place. We all struggle, but we must all continue to lay down our own desires and sinful nature at his feet. This world and what we want and our momentary happiness is not what it is all about. God bless us all as we continue this life journey toward the greater end!"

¹Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. ²Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. ³Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.  Hebrews 12:1-3

Cardboard Testimonies...

My mother sent me a link to this video on the Richland Hills church site. It is extremely powerful. We all have a story and so we all have a testimony in Christ Jesus. We matter!! Our lives matter and they can be the link between some one's hurting and dying soul and the cure for it all...Jesus Christ. Please watch it (with a Kleenex or 2) and think about how you can be a living, breathing example of Christ to this lost world.

a Great way to Wake Up...

I was awoken this morning by my precious 4 year old son. He told me that he didn't feel so good and proceeded to throw up all over me, my bed and the floor. After all of the clean-up, I think that I am still in shock. Two things that I am extremely grateful for this morning: David (who came home to help me clean it all up) and Lysol. Carter, of course, is feeling much better and mad at me, because I won't give him whatever he wants to eat. "C'est la vie"...that's life!

MoNDay...

Monday again. Alarm clocks...rush to school..."juicy Mommy"...can I have something to eat?...laundry piles...weekend mess to clean up...sheets to change...bills to pay...grocery list to be made...lunches...naps...school pick-up...errands to run...homework to be done...dinner... dishes... baths...bedtime...hugs...kisses..."i love you mommy"...blessings...so many blessings.