daring to Be...

I knew it would come...it happens every time...that moment of utter despair that everything in your life has changed and you wonder if it will ever feel like home.  I had almost believed that I wouldn't have to go through it this time, but I think deep down I knew better.  It always comes in that moment when I am completely alone and realize I don't know what to do with myself, because I don't have a normal.  Then, the tears come and I long for places and people of familiarity.

So...it happened tonight.  And, as painful as it felt, I had an epiphany.  This meant the process had begun.  I am grieving the last remnants of my past life to make room for the new one.

God has been busy this past year, doing a remodeling job on me, to prepare me for such a time as this. So I will grieve when I need to over the life I've left behind, because I know the One I sacrificed it for is so worth it!!

"I'm waving goodbye to my pretty little life
Taking your hand and crossing that line
Daring to leave the old me
Shout it out loud, I'm not ashamed
Diving in now, and so not afraid
Hello to all that You see
And everything You made me
I'm daring to be!"

*Taken from the song "Daring to Be" by Natalie Grant

keep Going...

Blessings abound...even in the midst of troubled times.  I have found this to be true so many times during the last few months.  I am at peace with our current situation.  Granted, that doesn't mean I like it, but I am at peace.  I don't find myself questioning why it happened.  What good is that really?  It's not going to change anything and finding out the human WHY might make me spend too much time with one of the enemy's greatest weapons:  WHAT IF.  It all boils down to this:  God is in control...and I'm not.  Even in my weakest moments of distress and deep longing to be settled somewhere (really, I'm not picky at this point), I look around and see blessing after blessing after blessing.  God's abundant provision is EVERYWHERE.

One of these greatest blessings is my children.  They keep me going whether I want to or not.  They are little comedians that live among us and provide much needed comedic relief.  Here are a few of their latest antics:

Genevieve:  "Mommy, I'm so sweaty.  I'm hotter than a girl in church." (point of reference: "The Princess & the Frog")

Carter:  "I've got to do my exercises and work off all of that playing outside."

Dawson:  "Be careful...that is scalljing hot!"

There are so many more!  These moments are always provided at just the right time to lighten the mood and lift our spirits.

"Our mouths were filled with laughter...The Lord has done great things for us, and we are filled with joy." Psalm 126:2a,3

blog response...

A friend of mine recently wrote a great blog article about a very difficult topic...homosexuality.  This article was written in response to the news that Christian music artist Jennifer Knapp publicly announced that she is a practicing homosexual.  The article was interesting and insightful (and I am looking forward to future installments), but the thing that got my attention was the comments.  As I read them, I was privy to many different thoughts and perspectives.  I felt myself "bowing up" inside and feeling the need to stand on a soapbox.  It was in that moment I tried to figure out why I was getting upset.  What I really was feeling was sadness.  I decided to post my response comment on Momblings, because I don't ever want to forget what I was feeling in that moment and to remind myself that God is God...His ways and precepts never fail, no matter the discussions or actions of ourselves or others.

"I think that all of us have an area in our life where we struggle to give into the desires of our flesh and turn our back on the heart and nature of God. We all do that on a daily basis. It is our human struggle and our spiritual fight. If we are to be like God "with ever increasing glory", what do we do with all of this humanity? It calls for "working out our salvation with fear and trembling." It is a very personal process. It is so hard not to judge others and it is very hard not to "rank" sin. We must continue to encourage one another to keep God and His love our focus. He meets us where we are...and he expects us to meet each other at the same place. We all struggle, but we must all continue to lay down our own desires and sinful nature at his feet. This world and what we want and our momentary happiness is not what it is all about. God bless us all as we continue this life journey toward the greater end!"

¹Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. ²Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. ³Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.  Hebrews 12:1-3

What is it with Wednesdays?

I feel like the biggest good-for-nothing on Wednesdays. I just want to stay home all day, in my pj's with a greasy face and uncombed hair. Today is no exception. Here it is 2:30 in the afternoon and I am doing everything I can to avoid taking a shower. It's the same every week. I don't know why... Is it just human nature because it is the middle of the week and I've already put in 2 long, hard work days or is it Satan trying to keep me from going to church with a grateful attitude? I don't know if anybody else fights this... Maybe that's why someone a long time ago, in their infinite wisdom, thought Wednesday church services were a good idea. Maybe they struggled with the same thing and realized that's when they needed the time with fellow Christians the most. But, that is the constant human condition; running and struggling from the things that are the best for us and that we need the most. So, as soon as I post this entry, I'm going to go get cleaned up...physically and spiritually. Have a great mid-week service. And if you don't normally go...check it out. It might turn out to be just what you needed.