waiting in the Noise...

I have 3 kids, so things can be noisy sometimes.  Let me rephrase that, I have 3 kids, so things are noisy most of the time. There are times when David and I both forget this fact...like when we get on the phone, or get in the van, or sit on a church pew, etc.  This can be challenging at best and frustrating at worst, but none more so than when we are trying to have a conversation.  There are at least 10 or so interruptions for super important requests like: juice, snacks, gum, snacks, have you seen my ____, snacks...you get the picture.  Then there are the wars that break out and the peace treaties that must be negotiated and enforced 3 times before everyone is settled.  And my all time favorite is where a child walks in between both of us and just starts talking, as if he/she is completely clueless that we were speaking to one another.  Needless to say, we have learned to hold most important conversations until the children are in bed or watching a movie.

I say all of this not to complain, although it does feel good to vent from time to time, but to make an analogy.  This is what my conversations with God have felt like lately.  I feel like I am talking to Him over immense noise and I can't quite make out what He is saying.  David and I have both been praying for clarity on the new direction that God wants for our life.  We have prayed for doors to be open and doors to be closed.  We have definitely gotten some closed doors.  So much so, that we are sadly feeling like staying in Abilene might not be a possibility anymore.  But, then there is this one door.  An unexpected door.  A door to a place that we didn't contemplate, nor would we have even thought of...but a place that our paths have crossed before.  And it oddly appears open or at least God has decided not to shut it yet.  David and I have an unexplained pull toward this door.  A lot of things in our life seem to line up for "such a time as this".  So, how much of this is Him and how much of this is us just putting our own reasoning and desire on the situation?  And that is where I hear the noise...

I know that the noise will eventually fade and the answer will come.  Maybe that is what I am afraid of...what if it is not the answer that I am longing to hear?  What if it is?  Until then, I will wait...

²⁸ Do you not know? 

   Have you not heard? 

The LORD is the everlasting God, 

   the Creator of the ends of the earth. 

He will not grow tired or weary, 

   and his understanding no one can fathom. 

²⁹ He gives strength to the weary 

   and increases the power of the weak. 

³⁰ Even youths grow tired and weary, 

   and young men stumble and fall; 

³¹ but those who hope in the LORD 

   will renew their strength. 

They will soar on wings like eagles; 

   they will run and not grow weary, 

   they will walk and not be faint. 

Isaiah 40:28-31

Toothless...

As I said in my last post, the past 3 months have been very busy and full of lots of life changes.  One of those includes my youngest son, Carter, loosing 4 teeth.  Yes...4 teeth!!  He has pulled them all by himself, with no help from either parent.  That is a HUGE feat coming from our worry-wart child.  He was afraid to pull them and afraid that he would swallow them in his sleep at the same time.  Needless to say, the Tooth Fairy has been very busy coming and going from our house.  We even heard a rumor that she had to take a second job to pay for all the teeth!!  

Out comes the first tooth.  He was so proud of this moment.  I however, felt the brevity of the moment...one giant step away from childhood.

Then 12 days later...out came the second tooth!  For the time, whole apples where a thing of the past.

During Christmas break from school, he lost both of his front top teeth.  The last one came out the night before my parents left to go back to Florida, so they got to experience this big event with him.  We, of course, could not help but sing, "All I want for Christmas is my two front teeth, my two front teeth, my two front teeth..."  He endured it well and looked absolutely adorable doing so.  There is just nothing like a snaggle-tooth grin.  I think it's a sweet gift from God.  A brief glimpse of their "baby-ness"... before they have a mouth full of too big teeth that remind us of the bittersweet journey of growing up that is ahead.

Silent No More...

It has been way too long since my last post, but with the events of the last 3 months I guess that is to be expected.  I know some of you have been waiting for this post...and in some ways, so have I.  But, I think it may be different than anyone, including myself, expected.

To say that the last 3 months have been a journey would be an understatement!  But you know...I wouldn't trade them for anything in this world, because that journey has brought me closer to the One who really matters.  So, this is probably where you are expecting me to talk about the specific catalyst that brought all of this on...that earth-shattering event that changed my life.  And, a few months ago, I thought that this post would be all about that; but, this is where I am taking you and myself to that unexpected place.  If you know me at all, you probably already know what has taken place in my life and if not...feel free to ask...I'm not ashamed or trying to hide the facts.  I have just learned so many things through this experience and that is what I want to share with you. 

1. "God is sweet like that!"  My friend Laurie coined that phrase and I have learned that to be true!  God cares about me...and we're not talking about just the BIG things in life, but even down to the smallest detail.  Not 5 minutes after David came home with our "news", my friend Karen called me.  She said, "I just felt like I needed to call you."  Every time I have been anxious, He has done something THAT day to lift my spirit and calm my fear.  God is so mighty and yet He so tenderly and sweetly cares for His children.

"Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you." I Peter 5:7

"How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God!" I John 3:1

2. He's got it!  I have to admit...I have been slightly deluded.  Get this...I actually thought I was in charge of my life.  Oh, I "knew" about the concept of God being in control, but...you know...I'm here...He's there..."really God, I've got this."  Boy, did He have my number!  Beth Moore tells the story about her beloved pointer dog that would go into full point every time he saw a squirrel, while she and her husband, Keith, were out for a walk.  Keith would have to pick the rather large dog up, turn him 180 degrees and then they could continue.  I feel like that is what God has done in my life.  I was fully pointed one direction and God has picked  me up and completely turned me around.  He used a very unconventional method, but make no mistake...it was God that was behind it all!

"The lot is cast into the lap, but its every decision is from the Lord." Proverbs 16:33

"Lord, you have assigned me my portion and my cup; you have made my lot secure." Psalm 16: 5

3. There is One greater!  The very foundation of my life has been shaken to it's core in the last few months and yet I am still standing.  But I am here to tell you that it is NOT because of me.  There is One that is greater than me...greater than anything that this world can throw at us.  We are not alone!  "Every time you're in a tight fist of fear, remember you're in something much tighter." (Beth Moore) Isaiah 49:16 says, "See, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands."  God is holding us so tightly that we leave a mark on His hands!!  That doesn't mean that my situation stops being scary...there are times I still fall to my face in tears begging for resolution...but that means that there is One that cares and loves me and has the power to see me through.

"Be strong.  Take courage.  Don't be intimidated.  Don't give them a second thought because God, your God, is striding ahead of you.  He's right there with you.  He won't let you down; He won't leave you." Deuteronomy 31:6

So, there you go...everything I learned in 3 tidy points.  I am a minister's wife, after all.  All joking aside, there are too many things to list that I have learned and experienced...that would take another blog and an entire lifetime to complete.  Plus, if I know anything about God, this is just the tip of the iceberg.  I'm going to be pulling life lessons out of this experience for awhile.  Here is what I know for certain...I am here "for such a time as this" and I am ready to reach out and touch the golden scepter of my King and accept the destiny that He has in store for me.  "And if I perish, I perish." (Esther 4:16)